327. A Dog's Life -- not so bad!

A dog-loving drunkard named Bill,
Consumes rotgut whisky at will.
If he's given Jack Daniels
It's served to his spaniels.
His palate prefers only swill.

326. Irish collection method

A barrister, Paddy O'Hailey,
Has his cases all tried at The Bailey.
If his clients don't pay
In a week and a day
He goes after them with a shillelagh.

325. Out of whack in the sac

A young Chinese fellow, Sung Wo,
Had one testicle which was sprung - oh!
When out fucking wenches
The extra five inches
It sagged got him tagged, "Won Hung Lo."

324. No mind? Never mind.

A thick-headed fellow named Pettit,
Heard a joke but he just didn't get it.
After three explanations
The teller's frustrations
Compelled him to say "Oh, don't sweat it."

323. No longer eel-humored

A man who had been a whoremonger
Found one day he could do it no longer
Tears started to well
'Cause his dong wouldn't swell
In his youth it had looked like a conger!

322. Foul-mouthed

A filterless fellow named Darin
Had a very bad habit of swearin'.
When clean words were needed
Caveats were not heeded.
Young Darin just cussed without carin'.

321. Brassie lassie

A bonnie Scot lassie named Annie,
Enjoyed dressing up for things clanny.
It made her quite glad
To put on her plaid,
Worn tightly to show off her fanny.

320. South Bitch

A gay man flew down to Miami
To bugger his boyfriend's tight hammie.
Each hour, did it twice
Which he found very nice.
He called it "the old double-whammy."

319. Wrong guidebook

There once was a stupid young faggot,
Who liked to suck dicks hard as agate.
Thought he might find some 'meat'
Under 'Places to Eat',
But butch boys were not listed in Zagat.
(The Limericist apologizes.  It's actually pronounced zuhGAT.)

318. Celibacy

A couple named Cleo and Clarence,
Of a very weird sect were adherents.
You may think I'm kiddin'
But sex was forbidden!
Consequently, they never were parents.

317. Wandering Menstrual

A street-walker, Bess, was a hag,
But she picked up a fellow to shag.
Now I must confess, he
And Bessy got messy
Because she was ridin' the rag.

316. Working on commission

A rather shrewd madam named Audrey
Had two-dozen whores in her cadre.
She got 40 per cent
Every time that one went
Up the stairs with a man to be tawdry.

315. O, for tuna

An experienced woman named Trish
Let a virgin boy enter her niche.
When they finished their screw
The lad uttered "It's true
What they say. Pussy smells just like fish!"

313-314. Are these Godunov to post?

M.M. was a 19th century Russian composer.  He also wrote an opera, Boris Godunov.
Of Modest Mussorgsky I'll tell.
Pictures at Exhibition is swell!
For piano he wrote,
Then Maurice took each note
And transcribed it for orch., Yeaaa Ravel!

Modest also wrote Night on Bald Mountain,
A work that erupts like a fountain.
Wrote a few other things
Mostly kept in the wings.
How many?  They're hardly worth countin'.

312. This will pane you

There once was a horny young glazier
Who spent all his off-time at leisure.
When not fixing glass
He chased after ass
When he got some, it gave him much pleasure.