There was a musician named Morgan,
Who had him an odd-looking organ.
Not with keys you could play --
When his swelled up you'd say
It was scary and looked like a gorgon!
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
248. Posthumous praise
A German composer named Mahler
In his lifetime could not make a dahler
With the stuff that he'd writ.
(No one liked it one bit.)
Once he died, well his stature grew tahler.
In his lifetime could not make a dahler
With the stuff that he'd writ.
(No one liked it one bit.)
Once he died, well his stature grew tahler.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
247. $300,000 Coffin
A filthy-rich heiress named Jeannie
Drives a shiny-new red Lamborghini.
It will go two-nineteen,
What remains to be seen
Is how soon, at that speed, she'll be fini.
Drives a shiny-new red Lamborghini.
It will go two-nineteen,
What remains to be seen
Is how soon, at that speed, she'll be fini.
246. Wench stench
A scrofulous woman named Sal
Had a cunt odor you'd label mal
Odorous. Whew!
Just one whiff, you'd say "Peww!
I have never smelled pussy so foul!"
Had a cunt odor you'd label mal
Odorous. Whew!
Just one whiff, you'd say "Peww!
I have never smelled pussy so foul!"
245. Talented tongue
A silver-tongued devil named Maxwell
Was noted for playing the sax well.
His actions were gallant
But mainly, his talent
Was talking girls onto their backs well.
Was noted for playing the sax well.
His actions were gallant
But mainly, his talent
Was talking girls onto their backs well.
Monday, October 10, 2011
244. Social diseases
A prostitute whose name was Lydia
Would pass STDs when she didia.
That filthy jeune fille
Had bad gonorrhea
Plus syphilis, crabs and chlamydia.
Would pass STDs when she didia.
That filthy jeune fille
Had bad gonorrhea
Plus syphilis, crabs and chlamydia.
243. 4Ging ahead
A man with no voice box named Peter,
Finds the 21st century neater
Than his former life.
Now, to speak to his wife
He'll just take out his cell phone and tweet her.
Finds the 21st century neater
Than his former life.
Now, to speak to his wife
He'll just take out his cell phone and tweet her.
242. Once IS enough
A horny young rascal named Jim,
Loved to slip his prick into a quim.
But his herky-jerk thrusting
Was so damned disgusting
His chances for "seconds" were slim.
Loved to slip his prick into a quim.
But his herky-jerk thrusting
Was so damned disgusting
His chances for "seconds" were slim.
PD7-8. Classics
It's time for two more from the archives. Each is anonymous.
There once was a young man from Kent
Whose dick was exceedingly bent.
So to save him much trouble
He'd put it in double
And instead of coming, he went.
There once was a man from Cape Horn,
Who wished that he'd never been born.
And he wouldn't have been
If his father had seen
That the end of his rubber was torn.
There once was a young man from Kent
Whose dick was exceedingly bent.
So to save him much trouble
He'd put it in double
And instead of coming, he went.
There once was a man from Cape Horn,
Who wished that he'd never been born.
And he wouldn't have been
If his father had seen
That the end of his rubber was torn.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
240-241. Return of the Limericist
Sorry to have been offline Friday and Saturday. Same schedule for the next two weekends... I'll resume each Sunday night.
A guy in the closet named Claybo
Chose a flamer to be his new gay beau.
He said "I'm not outed,
Our love can't be flouted,
It's best if we sneak 'round and lay low."
There once was a young man named Hans,
Whose penis was dead 'round the glans.
With no nerves to excite
He could stay hard all night,
Never coming. The girls were big fans!
A guy in the closet named Claybo
Chose a flamer to be his new gay beau.
He said "I'm not outed,
Our love can't be flouted,
It's best if we sneak 'round and lay low."
There once was a young man named Hans,
Whose penis was dead 'round the glans.
With no nerves to excite
He could stay hard all night,
Never coming. The girls were big fans!
Thursday, October 6, 2011
236-239. Four frankly filthy ones
The limericist will be away from his computer until October 9. He feels obligated to leave his readers with plenty of material until he gets back online. These four and the following three will have to suffice until Sunday evening...
A big horny rascal named Frank,
Quite often his wiener would yank.
When not self-abusing
You'd find him amusing
A girl with his frank in her tank.
A young 69er named Tory
Is the subject of this 5-line story.
For her cherry you bob
While she nibbles your knob,
She's a virgin but soon she'll be whory.
An ancient hotel clerk named Roger,
Tried to screw every feminine lodger.
Though in age, eighty-three,
Took Viagra, you see,
And he sometime would score, that old codger!
An unusual woman named Liz,
Liked to undress and have her man whiz
On her face and her boobs
And her ass and her pubes,
Then she'd suck him and swallow his jizz.
A big horny rascal named Frank,
Quite often his wiener would yank.
When not self-abusing
You'd find him amusing
A girl with his frank in her tank.
A young 69er named Tory
Is the subject of this 5-line story.
For her cherry you bob
While she nibbles your knob,
She's a virgin but soon she'll be whory.
An ancient hotel clerk named Roger,
Tried to screw every feminine lodger.
Though in age, eighty-three,
Took Viagra, you see,
And he sometime would score, that old codger!
An unusual woman named Liz,
Liked to undress and have her man whiz
On her face and her boobs
And her ass and her pubes,
Then she'd suck him and swallow his jizz.
233-235. Three pristine ones
A shy and a feckless old pirate
Had a pistol but never would fire it.
He hadn't a cutlass
For he was too gutless,
If his flag got attacked, he'd retire it.
A man named José was quite wee
He was only as tall as your knee.
When he went to a game
Folks in front would proclaim,
"We'll scoot over. José, can you see?"
There once was a boozer named Lars
With a couple of small hybrid cars.
To get better mileage
He ran them on silage
And used 'em to drive to the bars.
Had a pistol but never would fire it.
He hadn't a cutlass
For he was too gutless,
If his flag got attacked, he'd retire it.
A man named José was quite wee
He was only as tall as your knee.
When he went to a game
Folks in front would proclaim,
"We'll scoot over. José, can you see?"
There once was a boozer named Lars
With a couple of small hybrid cars.
To get better mileage
He ran them on silage
And used 'em to drive to the bars.
232. Henry Purcell, 1659-1695
An English composer wrote well,
But some critics don't think him so swell.
They slam him, what's worse'll
Pronounce his name PURS-ul.
(Most likely he said it pur-SELL.)
But some critics don't think him so swell.
They slam him, what's worse'll
Pronounce his name PURS-ul.
(Most likely he said it pur-SELL.)
231. Lorena Bobbitt's sister?
There once was a fellow named Chris Smith
Who hadn't a pecker to piss with
It was lost in the war --
Not in battle, a whore
Cut it off. (Sometimes sex is a bliss myth.)
Who hadn't a pecker to piss with
It was lost in the war --
Not in battle, a whore
Cut it off. (Sometimes sex is a bliss myth.)
230. Worth the price
The final 'h' is silent in all lines...
The 'cello concerto by Hindemith
Requires every player to blendabith.
To the unwashed, its dissonance
Won't always bring blissonance
But if Yo Yo is playing, they'll spendabith.
The 'cello concerto by Hindemith
Requires every player to blendabith.
To the unwashed, its dissonance
Won't always bring blissonance
But if Yo Yo is playing, they'll spendabith.
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