OP535. None from "Column A"

Madame Wong gave a man from Karachi

A soap hand job too near the hibachi.

     When her ass touched the coal

     She snapped off Ahmed’s pole

And then giggled, “No dickie, no washee.”

This youthful retread is wrong in so many ways, including the L5 near-rhyme.

3001. Properly rhyming an AWAD

"Appurtenance" was one of this week's words.

As I mentioned on 12/31/18, I probably wouldn't post any more (unless they were about djt.)  Well, here goes:

Said Don, "The polls say I'm a hurtin' dunce.

But my wall isn't just some appurtenance.

I campaign ev'ry day

So they'll build it my way.

There is just no time left to grab certain cunts."

OP534. One, Two, Three...Insanity!

An old nuclear theorist named Stutz

Was sent packing because he was nuts.

     He believed he had sentience

     In ‘leven dimensions

And searched for dark matter up butts.

                              See Comment 1.

2998-3000. My swan song chanson

Your blog host, The Limericist, is just about to post his last 3 entries.  As I’ve been planning since last summer, my 3,000th limerick gets posted on this final day of 2018!  You will find it at the end (where else?) of this long farewell post.

Regular readers realize that there are many other limericks found throughout the blog.  For example, I have included 417 from the Public Domain.  Other Posters have written and posted 533 more.  Those bring the total to 3,950!

My earliest followers were my high school friend, Wayne Scott (Wanus) who is now deceased, Robin Sutherland with his many hilarious nicknames (among them Amanda B. Recondwith & Helena Handbasket), Larry Gott whom I 'met' thru youtube, and my two brothers, Steve (OkieJokey) and Larry (Boulderite.)  

My most faithful follower and most fertile OP poster, Dave Reddekopp from Swift Current, SK, signed up for the blog in September 2012.  Hardly a day went by without a Dave check in.  When he wasn't reading, he often was writing marvelous "limmies" to augment the blog.  Thanks, David!

Suzanne Heymann of Nanaimo, BC discovered the blog in 2015.  Though I tried hard to explain to her the steps to gain posting status, she didn't follow them for six months.  Therefore, many of her earlier comments show her as "Anonymous," though sometimes with the inclusion of her initials.

What a delightful, fecund, and talented addition Suz was!  She finally figured out how to make her own "OP" posts and began doing so on 1/29/2016.  Sadly, her computer went on the fritz about 2 years later and she's not been heard from since.

Earlier, I mentioned the 950 limericks from other poets to go along with my 3,000.  Although I haven't kept count, there are many more found in comments made to "front page posts", bringing the total count to well over 4,000, but let me say this about the limericks: 

    Their quality, not their quantity, is what makes me proudest.

If you wish to access any of these "hidden 5-liners," go to the archives down the right side of the page, scroll down to the year you're seeking and click on the triangle beside it.  Then click a month name to show all the posts for that month.  By clicking on an archived entry shown in the following blue list you will see both the original limerick and all the comments which were made.  Once you have read the comment(s), click your browser's back button.

By the way, I've only listed those comments containing limericks.  If you want to go searching for puns, jokes, or just background info, there are hundreds more comments.

2011

JUL  1-2, 5

AUG 14, 28,

OCT  222, 257-263

NOV 349, 368, 370

DEC  449

2012

JAN  494-495

MAR  OP25

MAY 679

JUN  735

AUG  PD45-46

OCT  OP51

DEC  Ready for quash racquets?, OP61

2013

JAN  924, 929

FEB  OP78

MAR  981

APR  OP99, 996-1000, OP107

MAY OP111

2014

FEB  OP139

AUG 1446

OCT  1488

2015

JUL  OP181, OP184, 1766

SEP  OP213

OCT  1863, OP220, 1864, 1866, 1868, OP222, 1874, 1875, 1876, 1877, 1879-1880, 1881

NOV 1883, 1885, 1890, 91, 92, 93, OP223, OP224, 1894, 1895, OP226, OP227. 1905, 1906, 1907, 1909, 1910

DEC  PD202-206, 1932, OP231

2016

JAN  1956, 1967, 1972,

FEB  1976. OP241, 1980, 1981

MAR 2015, 2016, 2019, 2020, OP256, 2029-2030, 2031-2032,

APR  2048, 2051

MAY 2086

JUN  2103,  2118,  2119,  2134,  2137

JUL   OP293-297, OP304-308

AUG 2188, 2190, 2193, 2206, OP342

SEP   PD257-259, 2241, 2242, 2246,

OCT   2256, 2273,

NOV  2289, OP364-372, PD283,

DEC  2321, 2323, 2324, 2328, 2329, 2333, 2339

2017

JAN 2343, OP384-385, 2345

FEB 2383, 2384, OP393-399,

APR OP419-422

JUN  2545

JUL  PD302-309, OP432-434, 2580, 2581, 2587, 2591

AUG 2611,

SEP  2637, 2650

OCT OP469

NOV 2722, OP475

DEC 2741, OP496, OP501-502, 2754

2018

JAN OP521-522, OP524

FEB 2782

And now, my final(?) entries*

I've been showered with kudos effusive

Sometimes got help from poets collusive

But as years have gone by

One thing's caused me to sigh,

My readers have grown more reclusive.

So I've come to this thought-out decision

No more lines of rhyme needing elision

One a day's been an onus

Hope some were a bonus

Which led to your praise, not derision.

For eighty-nine months, made you simper

Now I'm going to go out with a whimper.

It has been a great run

And has brought me much fun

But I'm gone lest my rhymes become limper.

* Probably not, because until Trump is dethroned, I'm sure I'll have things to say.

2997. The perfect woman!

A 2 foot 6 slut would bring cheer
She could blow you sans kneeling, the dear!
And if her head were flat
On its top, 'twould mean that
You could set down your icy cold beer.

2996. A different toe jam

In my youth I employed a whip sock
(Which is something male readers will grok.)
Did my mom ever know
The dried stuff in its toe
Was emitted by my turgid cock?

2995. Too pushy (and a big tushie)

An initialization spelled MAGA*
Is the mantra of Trump's sleazy saga.
What he's mainly made great
Are his ego and weight
But regardless, his minions stay gaga.

* If you've been living under a rock, you might not decipher "Make America Great Again."

2994. Perhaps it, too, is like jelly

It's Christmas; I'll post this because
Much empathy's owed Mrs. Claus.
The dick of old Santa
Is hardly giganta
His belly, too, gives her much pause.

2993. For 5B congress couldn't budge it

The wall debate ended in stalemate
Adding yet one more thing to Trump's fail rate
For causing the shutdown
He needs to be cut down
Will Cohen, perhaps, be Don's jail mate?

2992. Black-hearted about black people

A bigot who lived in L.A.
Had these racist outpourings to say:
"I have an abhorrence
For persons from Torrance
Or Compton or Watts, by the way."

2991. Showin' his spunk

A man who lived out on the street
Was often found beating his meat.
When semen went streamin'
It left him a-beamin'
You'd think he'd have been more discreet.

2990. Fouls and foul language

Since my youth, such broad changes in "Hoops",
Players now don't say sheepishly, "Oops."
I am here to report
Ain't no non-contact sport,
Guys who drive the lane get knocked for loops.
Could have also been entitled, "No blood, no foul."

2989. Works both ways... supposedly

If the boy's not sixteen, Girl, act morally
Though you're older, don't pleasure him orally.
Caught with pulled-back prepuce
You will have no excuse
When arrested for rape statutorily.
But does this ever happen except with school marms?

2988. In Alabama it's a capital offense

There once was a man in Montgomery*
Who seduced an old heiress with flummery.
Of life savings he milked her,
She sued 'cause he'd bilked her.
The bench issued forth judgment summary.
* Drove thru there today on our way to S. Carolina.

2987. My body suffers rick and ruin

It's the seventeenth day of December
But our wood pile is all out of timber.
The fireplace is cold
'Cause this geezer's too old
To cut more, I am no longer limber.