Sunday, July 15, 2018

2841. Time on my hands

My dick has lost most all sensation
Might as well undergo a castration
But what will I do
With the hours that accrue
Which were once spent in much masturbation?

Friday, July 13, 2018

2840. Please, when is Mueller time?

Donald Trump thinks he's chummy and plummy
Wears his neckties a foot 'neath his tummy
We are sick of the sass
From this ass who's so crass
He's not only a dummy, he's scummy.

Thursday, July 12, 2018

2839. Was he Sikh-ing Ravi ole's?

An Italian from North Onandaga
Set out on a musical saga
He gave up the guitar
And tried learning sitar
But lacked any talent for raga.

Thursday, July 5, 2018

2838. Smidge of Sighs

There once was a man from Helsinki
Whose dick was the size of his pinki
And that was erect!
Made girls really object
'Cause besides being small, it was stinki.

2837. GREAT riddance!

The latest resignee's Scott Pruitt
Heat from kitchen got to him, said "Screw it."
"Unrelenting attacks"
Are deserved for such hacks
Ethics scandals are what made him do it.

Wednesday, July 4, 2018

2836. Like a failed rocket, he's a dud.

Hey, hey!  It's the 4th of July
When fireworks at night fill the sky
It's our celebration
Of being a nation
Too bad Trump makes lots of folks cry.

Saturday, June 30, 2018

2835. Just her back, not harass

G. Keillor, that tall Minnesotean,
Stroked the back of a girl  (un-Capotean)
He says it's refutable
But still, 'twas unsuitable ---
We thought he was changeless, not protean.

Tuesday, June 26, 2018

2834. Facts at a glans

Let's learn a few facts 'bout the penis,
On its underside, feeling's the keenes'.
And when gay men get stiff
They want boys in a jif,
Homo 'rectus, though, isn't their genus.
Interesting anagram (a penis) from sapien.  The Latin needs the ending 's', though.

Monday, June 25, 2018

2833. Bring back the rhythm method

AWAD reader Nadine Smith posted this in the comments to AWADmail 834:
I'll probably be sorry I suggested this, but many of the "limericks" have the meter all wrong. The form is strict for a real limerick.

I replied, "Don't be sorry, Nadine. I think readers who love anap├Žst gag at most of the entries (and Iamb one of them.)  When Casey Stengel was managing the NY Mets during their first season of 1962 (they went 40-120) he looked down the bench for a replacement player. His alleged comment appears as my L5."

When lim'ricks don't scan, it's a shame
And Casey might feel just the same.
So many poetasters
Creating disasters,
"Can't anyone here play this game?"

Saturday, June 23, 2018

2832. He looks 55

You're 74?  Who could tell?
With abs so flat, never a swell.
You make 'septuagenary'
Seem very young, Larry,
It's great that you wear it so well.



















Try his youtube channel for some fantastic pianism.

Thursday, June 21, 2018

2831. Inspired by a Spoonerism

Though a real man is what she would rather
Have had in her snatch, she'd just gather
Some small bars of soap,
Push 'em up her slick slope
And then work herself into a lather.
What's the difference between a woman in church and a woman in the bathtub?
One has hope in her soul...

Saturday, June 16, 2018

2830. Respected but not well-liked

On TV is golf's U.S. Open
Dustin Johnson will lose (I am hopin')
His talent's immense
But he seems rather dense
And he once took six months off for dopin'.

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

2829. Tonight's the night! (Maybe...)

Today I turned seventy-two
But I didn't do much that was new
Mowed the lawn, paid some bills,
It's now time for my pills
And then off to bed, hoping to screw.

PD351-352. Hay there!

There was a young woman of Croft
Who played with herself in a loft,
Having reasoned that candles
Could never cause scandals,
Besides which they did not go soft.

Said another young woman of Croft,
Amusing herself in the loft,
"A salami or wurst
Is what I'd choose first --
With bologna you know you've been boffed."

Monday, June 11, 2018

2827. The Ugly American redux

To a G7 meet, Trump was late again.
To be called crass and bossy's our fate again.
Don't touch him, he's leprous
And so damned obstrep'rous
He's making America grate again.